First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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