how can u be prego again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
