I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
