Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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