I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
