My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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