Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
