Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
