I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
