She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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