I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
