He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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