im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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