She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
