I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
