The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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