just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize