I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
