That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
