I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
