Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
