Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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