Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
