Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
