People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
