I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
