Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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