That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
