??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
PANTIES FOUND
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
