I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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