I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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