Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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