i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
