I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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