is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you never un-have a 4some
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
