He disabled his match.com account in front of me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
