Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
