I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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