I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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