I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
