Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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