He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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