just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
