Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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