Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
birth control should be required to get into college
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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