so explain again why im purple
no
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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