walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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