I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
