Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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