she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
