im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
