I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Randomize
