your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
