wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
