You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
