who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
