i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
