just tell him i said nine months
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize