it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
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After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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