i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
