If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Holy sore nipples Batman
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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