Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize