my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
