Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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