I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
