I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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