No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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