Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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