ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
