Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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