I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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