she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We are all done wearing pants today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
