Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
